A calm bath time routine for toddlers and babies

For some families bath time is the nicest twenty minutes of the day. For others it is a nightly negotiation that ends with a wet floor and at least one person crying. Most of the difference comes down to a few things: water that feels right, a routine that is the same every night, and a plan for the bit your child hates, which is usually hair washing.

Here is what we have found helps, along with the safety points that don't change whatever age your child is.

The one rule

Never leave a baby or young child alone in the bath, or in the care of an older sibling, not even for a few seconds. Children can drown in a couple of inches of water, quickly and without a sound. If the doorbell or phone rings, wrap your child in a towel and take them with you.

Bath seats and rings don't change this. They help a baby sit up, but they are not safety devices: babies have slipped out of them or tipped over in them while an adult stepped away. Gather everything before you run the water, so there is never a reason to leave.

How warm the water should be

Warm, not hot. Around 100°F (38°C) is a common guide, a little above body temperature. Before your child gets in, test it with the inside of your wrist or elbow, which are more sensitive than your hand, and swish the water around first to break up any hot spots near the tap.

A floating bath thermometer is handy in the early months, while you are still learning what "warm, not hot" feels like, and toddlers tend to treat it as one more bath toy. Two more things protect against scalds for good: turn your water heater down to 120°F (49°C), and run cold water first, then add hot.

How often: less than you'd think

Babies don't get very dirty, and too many baths can dry out their skin. In the first year, around three baths a week is plenty, with a wipe of the face, neck folds and diaper area in between. Newborns get sponge baths until the umbilical cord stump has fallen off.

Toddlers get dirtier, but a daily bath still isn't a must. Two or three a week, plus whenever they have been rolling in something, is enough for most children. Plenty of families do bathe every night because it is part of how bedtime works, and that is fine if their skin is happy with it. If your child has eczema, ask your pediatrician; they may suggest a particular routine.

A routine that ends in bed

Children cope better with things that happen in the same order every time. A bath placed early in a bedtime routine is a strong signal that the day is ending. Something like this works for a lot of families:

1. Get everything ready first. Towel, clean diaper, pajamas, washcloth and any creams, laid out within arm's reach of the tub.
2. Run a shallow bath. A few inches is plenty for a baby; for a toddler, no deeper than their waist when sitting. Test the temperature.
3. Play first, wash second. Five minutes of cups and toys before any washing lets them settle in. Leave hair for last, so if it goes badly, the bath ends straight after.
4. Out, wrapped, warm. A hooded towel keeps their head warm while you dry the rest. Pat, don't rub, and get into the creases under the chin and behind the knees.
5. Moisturize if they need it, diaper, pajamas, then the same books and the same song as always, and into bed.

Twenty minutes in the water is plenty. Longer tends to mean cold, wrinkly and overtired.

Hair washing without the tears

Water running into their eyes is the part most toddlers hate, and it only takes a couple of bad experiences for them to start protesting at the sight of a cup. A few things that help:

• Tip the head back, not forward. Have them look up at something on the ceiling while you pour from the forehead backwards.
• Give them a dry washcloth to hold over their eyes. Having control of it matters as much as the cloth itself.
• Use very little shampoo, and a tear-free one. Toddler hair doesn't need washing every bath; once or twice a week is often enough.
• Let them practice on a toy. Washing a doll's or a duck's hair first makes it a game, and they can see what happens.
• Keep it quick, count out loud to ten, and stop when you said you would.

Combing out tangles is easier on wet hair with conditioner in. A soft baby brush and comb, like the ones in our grooming kit, are gentler on the scalp than an adult brush.

When a toddler suddenly hates the bath

It is common for a toddler who loved the bath to start refusing it, often around the time they notice the drain or slip once. Don't force it. Try a shallower bath, a bath together with a parent, or a few nights of washing at the sink instead. Bring in something new to play with, and let them run the water in and out with cups. For most children the fear passes within a few weeks.

Bath toys, and the mold inside them

Cups, stacking pots and anything that pours make the best bath toys, and cost nothing. Squeeze-and-spray toys are a big hit with a lot of toddlers, with one catch: they suck in water, and anything that stays wet inside can grow mold. Squeeze them empty after every bath, stand them up to dry, and replace them when you see dark specks coming out.

After the bath, drain the tub straight away and keep the toys in a basket that lets them dry. A tub left with water in it is a drowning risk for a toddler who climbs back in later.